Feed Your Daughter Escargot
(or whatever fancy food – I’m not a nutritionist, don’t listen to me about food advice)
When I was 8, my parents took me to a fancy restaurant where they were meeting friends for dinner – or maybe business colleagues? I don’t recall. They ordered “escargot” as an appetizer and told me, “You have to try it.” “But Dad, what is it?” With a devious smirk he said, “Just try it, and then I’ll tell you.” But I watched my parents dig out this little grey ball soaked in butter, plop it on a lightly toasted baguette slice, and savor it like it was the best moment of their lives. With a side-eye and an abundance of curiosity, I thought, “Hmm. I like bread, I like butter… but this grey thing is sus.” (We didn’t say that 35 years ago, but I forget the slang of the time.) I tried it. Delicious. What the heck is it? My parents said in unison: “snails,” then laughed hysterically. Real funny.
Joke’s on them – dinners out got pretty expensive after that.
Fast forward 32 years and I’m sitting at a little café on a street corner in Paris, France, with my best friend. “Hey, you want to share the escargot?” “Hell yeah.” And we dug into the rich, buttery goodness – then paid the bill ourselves, thank you very much.
This isn’t nutrition advice, by any means – I am not a nutritionist. Sub in any fancy food you like. But here’s the deal: give your daughter the fancy stuff. Take her to that dinner with friends. Talk business over the dinner table. Discuss the wine selection in front of her. Teach her the etiquette of a multi-piece table setting. Let her watch you grapple over a fashion decision and “what to wear” for that event. Feed her the fancy food.
Why? So that in 15 years, when someone’s dusty son tries to impress her with his Sutter Home wine order at Applebee’s, she isn’t bowled over – swooning, running to the altar, squealing that he’s “the one” who is going to give her all the ‘things’ in life.
My parents did not sit me down and lecture me – “make your own money,” “provide for yourself,” “don’t let a man mistreat you.” I mean, they probably did, but I don’t remember that. I remember sitting in a restaurant eating escargot and my parents laughing hysterically. Kids what you do more than hear what you say. Kids model your behavior (isn’t it cute when your 3-year-old lets out a swear word and you side eye their other parent “wonder where they got that from?”).
If you provide a life for your daughter that you want for her – she (or he; let’s not be gender-biased here, but I am a woman, I was and am a daughter, and this is my perspective and lived experience) will grow to hold those standards for herself. She will not be swayed by a man who mistreats her because he pays the tab, or one who promises her the sun, moon, and stars and never actually delivers, or who makes $600k a year (but is deeply in debt from gambling) and tells her he only dates women with a “Pilates body.” (Chris from Love is Blind I’m looking at you).
She will know what she can and should have, and when to walk. She will honor and respect herself and hold anyone who enters her life – especially a romantic partner – to those same standards that you taught her by living them yourself.
So let her try the escargot…